the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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