I'm really into asian looking animals
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
