Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
