are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
