I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
