There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
