Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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