Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
