Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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