remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
