took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
