U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
