I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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