ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
