If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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