he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
