When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
