There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
