Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
