I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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