T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
