legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
