Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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