There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
