how can u be prego again
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
