Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
