stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
