You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
