You just made me feel so damn special
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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