Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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