I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
