Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
