We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And then he peed in my hair
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