So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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