I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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