Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
