My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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