she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
