I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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