I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
