No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
