i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
