Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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