dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
