you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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