It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
