Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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