we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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