To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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