Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
God I need to hump something, right now.
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