come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
